I wish I could remember a time when I could happily snuggle up under the duvet and turn over to go back to sleep.  Time for snoozing in a relaxing carefree way.  I keep asking myself where did those days go to?   Nowadays my eyes seem to pop open wide on waking and my time in slumber is over, even if I’m not ready to give up time with the sandman.

MT tells me I should spend more time just lying there and thinking of flowers and fluffy things.  Instead my thoughts drift to spring greens, carrots and how many varieties of tomatoes does it take to become a glutton? When this whirring of the mind starts in my mind the day has officially begun.

I heard on the radio the other day that libraries are a thing of the past.  I remember when I used to spend hours in the library as a student trawling through index cards to find that amazing piece of research that would allow me to breakthrough my brain block and make me an A grade student.  Getting that first class degree was always my goal but there are some things in life more distracting.  Distraction is my middle name right now.

Walking the dogs I find myself thinking about whether I should double dig the new vegetable beds or bring in my friends.  The landscapers did a wonderful job last time so maybe that’s the option I should be going for.  My mind turns over what I might cook with all my garden bounty.  But then the like a hound in a choker chain going off path, I’m pulled back to reality.  Right now, it’s clear dreams are taking me out of my depth.

With onions and shallots romping away in the small potager bed there is no doubt that food crops will grow.  But what will it take for the right crops to grow at the right time in the right quantities? Snuggled up in bed with pile of vegetable gardening books I’m in search of the answers.

The scribbles in my notebook grow with occasional big pictures and charts as another bit of information creates a breakthrough in my brain. If I punched in all the information in a spreadsheet it would be multi-dimensional and as impossible to achieve as I feel my good growing goals are right now.  Let me explain.

Here are some of my current crops  looking lush and healthy.  Celery should be banked up or have a collar so the stems are blanched.  Rhubarb shouldn’t be interlaced with garlic bulbs and your monster cauliflowers shouldn’t be crowding out the light so that your box hedge can hardly breath.

Being a proficient vegetable grower takes hard work.  After distracted, grafting is my middle name too, so that’s OK.  But however easy the old timers make it look or the DIY guide to growing your own becoming a serious good grower requires knowledge in biology, engineering, horticulture, art, crafts and physical education.  Not to mention chemistry, architecture and woodcrafts.   I’ve been pouring over books, crawling the internet and dreaming about my backyard pantry in search of my answers. But it’s tiring and confusing so drastic action is needed.

Finding my way through the mass of detail and worrying is what’s holding me back.  Just like those hours I spent in the library searching through the index cards for that bit of information.  I wasn’t an A student,  except perhaps in procrastination and complication. Older and wiser it’s time to learn those lessons and not make the same mistakes again.

What’s brewing is a simpler plan for a big hairy audacious goal. It’s there in my head and my notebook but most of all I think it’s in my heart.  Living the good life – being more self sufficient – but not being a crank about it.  Not being a slave to the goal. But living a little more like people used to before we used all out technology, knowledge and skills to make life complicated.  Harder to live.

People all over the world are forced to live a subsistence existance.  A simple life and full of riches we in the modern and industrialised world are searching for right now.  Whilst they go in search of what we already have.  Money to build a better life, to educate, to be healthy and be economically sustainable.  They want what we have and we just want it all.

See what happens in my mind?  Why or why can’t I keep things simple?  All I want right now is for my mind to stop whirring and it all to make sense.

But not today, I’ve got weeds to dig, seeds to sow, seedlings to prick out, garden plans to draw up and specifications to write. So making things simpler will have to wait for another day.